I have failed. At keeping up with my blog with a monthly word.
February, March and April are now a blur as I sit here and reflect on the last three months.
But now it’s done.
I swear I just blinked.
I know I barely breathed.
I moved from one thing to the next each day, forgetting the words engraved on my side.
I was breathing in with every meeting, class, project, job and future job search. But I forgot to breathe out.
I was breathing in all the good memories and times spent with friends, but the negatives were being held as well.
I held my breath when deciding between whether to study or work on internship stuff.
I held my breath on every run, every lift, making zero progress and ending each session in frustration rather than my normal stress reliever.
I took a few baby breaths while I spent my spring break in my favorite places with two of my favorite people.
It still kept building.
I held my breath as I typed my final paper of my college career, sat in my final class, had my final test.
I held my breath as I walked across the stage, knowing I had a decision to make and had to make it fast.
It built until I broke. But with brokenness comes clarity. Every. Single. Time.
I hadn’t even realized that I was holding my breath until I was forced to exhale. Tears streaming down my face I breathed out.
The thousand pound brick lifted off of my chest as God forced me to say the words “I trust you.”
What I also hadn’t realized was that I had forgotten to do something that was literally tattooed on my body as a reminder.
I just got caught up. Throughout the semester, I didn’t feel stressed, I didn’t feel overwhelmed. It wasn’t until I walked across the stage and realized it was all over. The stress slowly taking over as routine turned into chaos.
I didn’t even realize that I was stressed until it became too much to handle. Through it all God was saying hey, you should trust me.
I didn’t until I broke.
Going back to those darned words tattooed on my side.
My word for the month, because breathing out is something so important, but can be so easy to forget if we don’t take time for ourselves.
Lesson learned: never take on more than you can do with 100% effort.
“Just let go, let his love wrap around you and hold you close
Get lost in the surrender.
Breathe it in until your heart breaks.
And exhale.” -Plumb
Love & Stuff,